Dead Snow - 2009

Director:    Tommy Wirkola

Writers:     Stig Frode Henricksen, Tommy Wirkola

Cast

Martin:      Vegar Hoel

Roy:        Stig Frode Henricksen

Hanna:       Charlotte Frogner

Vegard:     Lasse Valdal

Liv:         Evy Kasseth Rosten

Erlend:     Jeppe Laursen

Chris:       Jenny Skavlan

Sara:       Ane Dahl Torp

The Wanderer:    Bjorn Sundquist

Herzog:    Orjan Gamst

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Just because you CAN make a movie, doesn’t necessarily mean you SHOULD.  This should be the first thing taught in film school.  The Norwegian flick “Dead Snow” got some fairly good reviews, and apparently is on its way to becoming some kind of cult phenom.  I’m perplexed.   However, it contains a scene that is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen in a movie.  I’ll get to that in a minute. 

They obviously started with one idea:  Nazi Zombies!!  I think I can hear what went on at the first meeting.  “Hey, zombies are hot right now.  How about zombies….a cabin in the middle of nowhere….horny college students….and get this, the zombies are Nazis!!  Get it???  They’re zombies,… and they’re NAZIS!!!”  Look, I love zombies.  I love zombie movies.  But this one was a big disappointment.  After the session outlining the Big Idea, the next logical step should have been to hire a screenwriter.  I guess they forgot.  There is nothing in it that we haven’t seen before in better movies.  Except for a couple of things.  Did I tell you there are Nazi zombies in this one? 

The plot, and I use the term loosely, involves some college students on a skiing vacation in the mountains.  You really don’t get to know these kids very well, so their deaths are no big deal.  There’s something about hidden gold.  Some guy wanders in and empties a big bucket of exposition all over the floor and leaves.  The zombies are roused out of their snowy slumber by something or other and start munching on the kiddies.  Lots of running around.  Lots and lots and lots of blood.  Every character is pretty much completely covered in blood at some point.  And, a “gotcha” final shot.  You really can’t spend too much time thinking about it.   But the mountains are pretty. 

The most horrifying scene I have ever scene?  Not the one when the guy gets his head torn in two like a loaf of fresh bread.  Not the one when the other guy chainsaws off his own arm.  Not the several scenes of zombies being chopped up by an ax or torn up by a machine gun.  Not the one when one of the girls watches her own intestines being devoured.  Not the one of the guy hanging off a cliff by some very sturdy zombie intestines (intestines again - do I smell a kink?)  All of that is kid stuff, pretty much what you would expect.  No, this is what made me scream and hide my face:  One of the boys goes to the outhouse.  He is sitting there, minding his own business.  One of the girls comes out to join him, takes off her clothes and straddles him.  Is there no decency left in the world???  The scene went on so long I was praying for zombie interruptus.  Someone get their head ripped off, PLEASE!!!!   Dear god, my longing for death was palpable.  Theirs, mine,…I didn’t care!  My loins may never stir again.  Ever.

  

If you are in the mood for a zombie movie marathon on some Saturday night,- pop the popcorn, settle in on the couch, but make this one the third or fourth one you watch.  You will be so glazed over by then you won’t care.  In conclusion let me say -  there are zombies (and they’re Nazis!!).  I’m giving it one half kiss for some lovely mountain scenery.

By the way, I hate to disappoint you, but Beethoven's Ninth Symphony is heard nowhere but in the preview.  I have to admit, it is pretty cool in the preview.  Of course, it would be cool anywhere. 

Fast Zombies with Guns! ( 2009)

Director:        Bennie Woodell

Screenplay:    Bennie Woodell

Cast

Laura:            Leena Kurishingal

Jake:              Tony Swansey

Will:               Will Cummings III

Carl:               Dennis Doornbos

Paul Varlo:     Charles Ramsey

Dan:               Chad Meyer

Robin:            Sofiya Smirnova

4 kisses and Tony Swansey gets one all to himself

It’s a title and synopsis all in one! Actually, “fast zombies with guns” describes my second scariest nightmare. (The first one involves a phone call telling me I have to take high school over again, but I digress.) I was prepared to not like this one, but I was very pleasantly surprised. It is a delight; well drawn characters, lots of action, believable dialogue, solid acting, a great sense of humor, an effective score, lots of blood, lots of zombies, and lots of guns.

The movie starts and ends with a framing device of a man running through deserted streets, looking scared to death. He meets up with two characters in protective gear who are patrolling the area. He takes shelter with them and starts to tell his story. The action then really begins two days earlier.

We find out that the zombies were created by a toxin. A mob boss orders the toxin to be introduced into the water supply of a house belonging to a man about to rat out the mob and go into witness protection. The witness and his wife are the first victims. When they start attacking others and creating more zombies, the movie really takes off.

By the way, these are really fast zombies. When people try to outrun them, the zombies shoot them down, and then enjoy their feast. But, where do the guns come from? The answer to that is a little shaky. A few of the victims have guns which get into the rotting hands of the zombies. But, where do they get so many guns? Who cares.

We are introduced to a motley crew of survivors who are a little of everything – the tough veteran, the coward, the redneck, the young married couple, the little girl, and so on.

Two of the survivors are a hit man named Jake and his stunning but irritating girlfriend Laura. At first, she seems to be good for eye candy and not much else. Jake also seems to have had it up to here with her. The only explanation of why they are together – the sex must be massively mind-blowing. However, by the end of the movie we see that these two really love each other, and we root for them. Speaking of easy on the eyes though, whoever cast Jake - thank you!

Jake and Laura team up with the others and devise a plan to escape to Chicago. Unable to hold out any longer where they are, the group has to make a break for it, guns a-blazin’. We are then treated to an all-out free-for-all bloody battle. Just before this, Laura has what I would call an “Ellen Ripley moment”: She changes out of her high heels and into a pair of really kick ass boots. It may be a bit of short hand for character development, but it works.

As for the blood and gore -there is plenty; geyser-like arterial spray, chests exploding from shotgun blasts, heads blown off, zombies chowing down on their victims and pulling off chunks of flesh with their teeth. There’s something for everyone.

As I mentioned, there is a lot of humor here. There is a very funny scene of a reporter calmly interviewing a police officer about the chaos, while in the far background we see people running for their lives. Also watch for a pair of zombies pushing a lawn mower while running after a victim.

But Juice, why do they….? How does that guy know that…? But how come they can…? And why do the zombies…? I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care. I enjoyed this movie way too much to argue with it, and was able to suspend most of my disbelief in order to sit back and let it get the job done.

The vet (Will Cummings III) has most of the best lines. He also shows us exactly the attitude to have when faced with a BIG ol’ zombie pointing a BIG ol’ gun at us. I also have to mention the actors who play Jake and Laura ,-Tony Swansey and Leena Kurishingal. They do a great job making us care about a pair of pretty un-likeable people. At the end, our outlaw lovers get on a motorcycle and ride off together into the sunset, and a possible sequel.

One quibble I do have is with the sound. At times it is very muddled making it hard to hear the dialogue, some of which is completely unintelligible. It’s a safe bet that there was neither time nor money enough to go back and re-shoot, or do any ADR. But it’s a pretty minor quibble. A colleague of mine, CK, has also pointed out the poor lighting in some scenes. I agree, it is pretty rough at times. Some of the action during the night scenes may just possibly be taking place at the bottom of a murky pond. It’s hard to tell. However, I am so fond of FZWG I will be uncharacteristically forgiving.

There is not a false moment in this movie. We get invested in each character, even the minor ones. This one is a great example of what can be done by an imaginative writer/director with a talented and hard-working cast and crew, even though the budget is meager. I look forward to more work from director Bennie Woodell and his group.

The dvd comes with some welcome extras. We get a commentary track, previews of other films from this director, as well as a short film called “Scarlet Widow”. This is about a hit-woman and features many of the actors we just saw.